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Help! Please help me correct my grammar. English?
Since June of 2008, I was in charge of the technical issues for suppliers. Firstly, I explained all the technical details such as test standards, dimension specification, symbols of drawings etc to the project members, measurement engineers, test engineers of suppliers, and a Q & A session was held with them. At the meantime, based on the knowledge of statistics and probability theory, I calculated the formula which can meet the 0 PPM quality request proposed by quality department, and designed a template by excel with colleagues from IT department, which can produce the statistical results of dimension report automatically. From then on, Mould experts, Supplier Quality Assurance (SQA) and I involved in the mould trial in suppliers plant, and I required them to measure the outcomes by Three-coordinate measure instrument (CMM) and provide dimension reports.
Since June of 2008, I supervised the technical issues for our suppliers. First, I explained all the mechanical details such as: test standards, dimensions, the symbols used for drawings, etc to the members of their project, the measurement engineers, and to the suppliers’ test engineers. Next a Question and Answer session was held with those involved. Meanwhile, I calculated the formula which can meet the 0 PPM quality request which was proposed by the quality department based on my knowledge of statistics and the theory of probability. I then designed a template which can automatically produce the statistical results of the dimension report, by ‘Excel’ with my colleagues from the IT department. After that, I made certain that the Mould experts, the Supplier Quality Assurance (SQA) and those involved in the mould trial in the suppliers plant, measured the outcomes by Three Coordinate Measure Instrument (CMM) and provided dimension reports.
Good Luck with this!
5 Responses to “Help! Please help me correct my grammar. English?”
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September 11th, 2009
Posted by admin in instrument suppliers | 5 Comments »
Since June of 2008, I supervised the technical issues for our suppliers. First, I explained all the mechanical details such as: test standards, dimensions, the symbols used for drawings, etc to the members of their project, the measurement engineers, and to the suppliers’ test engineers. Next a Question and Answer session was held with those involved. Meanwhile, I calculated the formula which can meet the 0 PPM quality request which was proposed by the quality department based on my knowledge of statistics and the theory of probability. I then designed a template which can automatically produce the statistical results of the dimension report, by ‘Excel’ with my colleagues from the IT department. After that, I made certain that the Mould experts, the Supplier Quality Assurance (SQA) and those involved in the mould trial in the suppliers plant, measured the outcomes by Three Coordinate Measure Instrument (CMM) and provided dimension reports.
Good Luck with this!
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that sounds good
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Avoid using the word "Firstly". Many people do not like it even if it IS a real word. Use "First"
put a comma after drawings and before etc, to keep it consistent. "First, I explained all the technical details such as test standards, dimension specification, symbols of drawings, etc. to the project members"
"and a Q & A session was held with them." You need to form a parallelism. Keep all tenses consistent.
You can either make a new sentence "In addition, I held a Q & A session with them." or put "…and held a Q & A session with them." I would recommend that you say "In addition, I held a Q & A session with them." Otherwise you will have a run-on sentence
It is "In the meantime.", NOT "At".
You can also say "During this time," which sounds more professional.
designed a template WITH excel, NOT by. Or, you can say "by using excel", but I would recommend using with.
Do not put "From then on", this is usually used in stories. I think you are looking for "From there, Mould experts"
Here is the full sentence as I would write it "From there, Mould experts, Supplier Quality Assurance (SQA) and I were involved in a mould trial in a suppliers plant, and I required them to measure the outcomes by using a Three-coordinate measure instrument (CMM) and provide dimension reports.
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A few minor edits I’d make…
*I have been in charge of the technical issues for suppliers since June 2008*. Firstly, I explained all the technical details such as test standards, dimension specification, symbols of drawings etc to the project members, measurement engineers, test engineers of suppliers, and a Q & A session was held with them. * In* the meantime, based on the knowledge of statistics and probability theory, I calculated the formula which can meet the 0 PPM quality request proposed by quality department, and designed a template by excel with colleagues from IT department, which can produce the statistical results of dimension report automatically. From then on, Mould experts, Supplier Quality Assurance (SQA) and I *was* involved in the mould trial in suppliers plant, and I required them to measure the outcomes by Three-coordinate measure instrument (CMM) and provide dimension reports.
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I wouldn’t start off with "since"; "I have been in charge supplier technical issues since 2008" sounds much better. Also, "firstly" is not against literary rule to use, but "first" doesn’t sound so passive. As a matter of fact, the beginning of your sentences are all over the place. Take out 99% of those "at the meantime" and "from then on’s". Use action words to begin your sentences instead, such as, "I calculated formulas that can meet the 0 PPM (and make sure you spell out what PPM stands for then put PPM in parenthesis)…etc, etc".
I would prrofread and edit do the whole thing for ya, but I charge a lot for that. Just try as much as possible to avoid the passive voice, run-on sentences and lack of clarity, and you should be able to clean it up nicely.
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I am an English major.